Rock The Boat Part 2 - The Cruise

The day before the cruise, the film crew came to our hotel. The producer thanked everyone for being a part of the filming w/ me. Which confused all of us because we thought this was a group thing, and when questioned the producer was as confused as we were. We all filmed a pre- cruise scene in the hotel, toast to the cruise etc. Then Suzi & I filmed a scene of us walking around nyc, and taking a cab to the port. We shot this the day before because the crew had to load everything & go through the security/boarding process just like us. So they weren't sure how the timing would work out. They said they would meet us at the port. Remember they're all cruise newbies too!

Day 1:

The camera followed us through the port getting our reactions to seeing the guys for the 1st time & my hug from donnie! :)  then the producer had to go get through security etc himself & said he'd find us on the lido deck after boarding.  we had a couple sail away drinks, ate lunch etc. When the sun finally came back out, I wanted to ditch my jacket & leggings so said a quick brb to my friends and on my way back up I find Donnie by the stairs taking selfies with everyone. Thats how it always happens, you never know when there's gonna be a New Kid around the corner on the cruise! When I got my moment with Donnie, I hugged him and thanked him for making me a part of the amazing experience :) He said something along the lines of, you're welcome, enjoy it/have fun...you know what it's like when you're in Donnie's presence lol My phone was dead so I had my regular camera, he takes it from me & is like who uses this kind of camera anymore?! Sorry dude, my battery died! Anyway, he continues to take 3 pics, checking each one to make sure it's a good one :)

 OMG I'm not on the boat a cpl hours and already have a NK moment!~This is gonna be the BEST vacation ever!!!! Then we were off to the emergency drill _yay-not. As soon as the horn sounds Suzi & I were racing to get a good spot by the main stage for the Sail Away party! The other girls prefer to stay out of the crowds so we met up with them after, just in time for Donnie to make his way through the crowd and take pix with my friends! Now we've all have a Donnie moment/pic!!!!

We head back to our cabins to get unpacked, hang our door poster and call home to say good-bye for the next few days. We get changed for dinner and head to the dining room. Not everyone was ready but they said go on down & we'll meet you at the table. After finally finding the dining room, we realized that even though we were all early dining, some of us were at the other dining room. Hey we'd had a cpl drinks, it happens :/ Producer John met us at dinner and filmed some of us talking about various things at dinner. By the time I got back to my cabin and started getting ready for the game show & masquerade night, the seasickness started. This was my 5th cruise, and every year I have moments of seasickness, but it doesn't usually last long, I take some meds, get up on the lido deck in the open air & I'm fine. But this year was bad, I tried sitting out on my balcony, took dramamine etc nothing helped. I didn't wanna miss the 1st night, and i don't wanna be puking on camera, I was just praying it would go away. We went to the game show and my friends had gotten me some ginger ale, between that and the hilarity of the game show I was feeling better by the time I got to the deck party. Waiting for the guys to come out, the nausea hits again (no drinking for me this cruise!) Suzi & I eventually made our way into the crowd after the guys came out. I'm not one to camp out all day but I also don't wanna be on the sidelines all night either. At one point I got my dance/twirl from Donnie! What seasickness? Lol we headed for some late night pizza, and decided to call it any early night. I still wasn't 100% over the nausea, and was hoping a nights sleep on the ship would help my body adjust. 

Day 2
I woke up feeling better, so we went to get some breakfast but as soon as i sat down with my food, the nausea hit again. I went to sit in the open air part of the lido deck (smoking area) This was horrible, I was starting to worry that I was gonna be sick the whole cruise. I felt ok outside but everytime I went inside I got sick again so I spent most of the morning/early afternoon just hangin out there. The previous night the producer said he would meet me in my cabin around 1pm. As I was sitting there someone else from the show crew came out to smoke so I had him replay the message to the producer that I was out there. John came out later to tell me that he was being switched to another group and I'd be working with Jen R.When the other girls came out, they said they were going to the merch sale, so I gave them my card and asked them to get me a cruise sweatshirt.The weather was chilly/rain off and on the whole cruise :/ When they came back, the cameras were there and since I was finally feeling better it was time to shoot a scene -what are we gonna do now to get our passes? As you saw on the show we came up with the plan for them to raise me up in the crowd to flash my bikini top. The day lido party was going on at this time. After the practice session outside i was supposed to run back to my room and change -i wasnt wearing a bikini top. right as we walked in the idea came to write vip party on my belly. As soon as steph writes it, i realize Danny is standing 100ft away taking pix with fans. I think, now's my chance, i run over and as I'm standing there waiting I'm thinking, fuck no bikini top...what do I do? Since day 1 of casting this show, the question was always how crazy will you get for nkotb? well flashing is as crazy as i'd ever get so i guess this is it! And we all know what happened next. When he walked away, I turned and ran outside. Film crew came after me telling me they would straighten things out, it's ok etc All I wanted to do was go to my cabin but they kept saying just wait, producers are talking to management it's gonna be ok.etc Everyone said they had no idea I was going "full monty" but come on, it's been on the table since my 1st interview. I'm not saying they made me flash Danny, more that doing the show gave me a reason to. I thought about all this for months. It wasn't a plan to flash a new kid specifically, just a wild card to throw out if other plans didn't work. Had there been no cameras, I wouldn't have been SO upset. No I didn't fake crying for a dramatic reality moment. I simply felt the full weight of my bad decision, knowing my fuck up would be shown to the world. All those hateful nasty social media comments were already running through my head. This was supposed to be a dream nkotb experience and instead I made it a nightmare. I was mad at myself for such a stupid mistake & upset that I had pissed him off. & or offended him. Did he think I set him up to look bad intentionally?  To all who said why would I care what someone thinks who doesn't even know me? First of all I care about other people's feelings in general. Hurting people isn't something I'd ever do intentionally. My friends always said I have "Pollyanna complex"  Also, because of the tv show he DOES know me & I don't think he'll ever forget me now. They all remember fans, isn't that one of the reasons we love them so much! My nkotb fun is my escape from life and now I created a shit ton of drama in one moment. At some point after, the producer Jen told me that since this went so wrong it would not be a part of the show. But the bh world is better than any at spreading bad stories about other fans. I was now, "that girl". When I finally made it back to my cabin I just cried, that's me. I cry. Sometimes you just have to let it all out. Months of excitement, anticipation, planning, stress, hopes & dreams - add sleep deprivation... so yeah i was drowning in my emotions when I got back to my cabin. Later my friends & the cameras showed up and as soon as someone says how are you, I'm a mess and now here's the cameras the catch my ugly cry. I didn't want to go to dinner, or the show or anything that night. I just wanted to be left alone so I could just sleep it off  and not ruin anyone else's night. Then my friends tell me about the video apology idea. I really didn't think about how it would look, other than he'd know how sorry I was sorry if he ever even saw it? Do I wish I could've pulled myself together and not been a sobbing mess, of course! But that was me in the moment. I'm an emotional person. After that I went to sleep, they came in again to see if I wanted to go to the deck party, but all i wanted to do was sleep.

Day 3
When I woke up the next morning I called my husband to tell him what happened. I knew he would help me to feel better, even by just hearing his voice. He's my best friend, my partner in life and he's the only one who can make me smile even when I don't want to. After talking to him, I got myself together, determined to not let one mistake ruin my trip. Luckily it was our day in Bermuda so I could get off the ship and leave it all behind me. Due to the fiasco the previous night, I didn't have a meeting time with production. We also didn't have any specific filming plans for that day anyway. My friends and I wanted to just go to the beach, shop & have lunch. There were not enough camera crews to have 1 set assigned to each castaway. They switched around, some were union members that ment they had time requirements, breaks etc I didn't want to wait around and lose more vacation time so after we all got ready and ate breakfast we got off the ship for our bermuda day. We went to the beach, shopped around & had lunch then laid on the beach with Suzi and Jenn til it was time to get back to the ship to get ready for Movie Night. A day off the ship helped in letting it all go but I was worried about going back into the masses, oh well I can't hide forever! My friends told me that I should go talk to Rose Tours to ask if I could go to the group b concert since I misssed mine the night before. I said no, I wasn't going to ask for any special treatment. I missed it on my own. Later that night, when Nichole sees me in my room instead of the show, she says ÿou bitch, why didn't you go to the show! You're crazy for not getting to see the concert you paid for!"  The film crew showed up at some point at my cabin after we got back on board. I was ready to get back into the fun. They filmed us getting ready and for the 1st hr or so on the lido deck then that was it for the might,/ But We had a good time that night!  everyone was stopping to take our group pic, the wizard of oz was a hit! We all decided to try for donnie's attention during the lido party in hopes of getting on stage to dance. Its a literal mass of bodies trying to get there but we finally made it! Unfortunately the stage was too small for all 8 plus donnie & jordan, so donnie let us up then left to another stage. Suzi, Nichole, Jenn & I got to dance with Jordan though!  I was sad the cameras weren't there when we got on stage with jordan! That's 3 nkotb moments of fun that wasn't caught for the show : After that, everyone was ready to change to pj's as there was no costume contest in the end. Whatever happened to that? I didnt change though, i wanted to stay incognito lol Pizza time, then back to the lido party. At one point I started moving my way in the crowd, it was getting later, space was opening up. The next thing I know some woman grabs my arm, shoves me into other people screaming, ÿou fucking bitch, you've had enough attention already" WTF?! I was stunned, I took off, crying of course. We weren't anywhere near a stage or a new kid, i was just dancing and moving through the crowd, isn't that what we all do? She apparently believed what most people were thinking, that being a part of this show gave us nkotb vip everything. But the truth is the exact opposite. We got no special attention, or treatment-NONE. and We paid for everything, Nothing was free or given to us.

Day 4
It's meet and greet day! We started getting ready when we got up. Room service breakfast is awesome! I was so nervous as this would be the 1st time face to face with Danny after the bomb, but if you've ever been to a nkotb m&g you know you have to strategically plan to get a hello to each guy, so i had planned on just bypassing Danny. The cameras were late getting to my cabin- nothing new there. When the producer got there I was fully ready for the m&g, but she says that she needs me to put my pj's back on, glasses etc I said is this about the danny thing? because i'm done talking about it on camera, i want to move on not keep bringing it up. She's like please amanda? just 1 more thing? "ugh, ok. So i start changing, wiping off make-up brushing out my curls, producer keeps asking if i'm ready yet. they've been late for every meeting now they want me to rush? I come out of the bathroom, she puts a mic on me and runs out the door saying she'll be right back, she's gotta get a camera guy. So i went to lay down figuring it would take forever. But within a few minutes there was a knock on the door, i'm thinking why didn't she flip the lock so she could come back in like usual? Then another knock, I figure, fine lets get this over with. I open the door and see Danny. Holy fucking shit. Yep my reaction was real. I'd never been so relieved, shocked, etc Of course I'd hoped to make things ok with Danny, by this point I figured it wasn't gonna happen and my story probably would end up on the cutting room floor. Danny's visit lasted longer than what aired. He told me that of the guys, Jon would've probably gotten the biggest kick out of my flashing! omg i was cracking up! After he gave me the sweatshirt (which some some irony in, maybe but it's also coveted merch item that sells out fast every yr on the cruise.) I decided to give him a shirt I'd brought in hopes of giving to him but didn't think it would be appropriate after what happened. It was a pink shirt i had made for my hubby to wear on a previous cruise Pink night. Front said Öfficial Boob Inspector with the pink ribbon symbol and the back said "check yourself or i will"with a winky face. He thought it was pretty hilarious. He just kept telling me that it was all over, not a big deal, just wrong place/time etc Then i hear mangement saying, come on danny we gotta go, the meet & greet is starting. He says, ok so i'll see you at the m&g right? Hell yeah, now go so I can get ready again! :) The camera followed me a cpl doors down to my friends cabin so I could tell them what happened! And since i already had bought a cruise hoodie, i gave the one from Danny to my bff Suzi :) More tears but happy ones this time! We go have our m&g, cameras were with us. Danny smiled and hugged me, good to see you again all good? Yep! I stood with Jon, he asked where I was from, when I said ohio, he's like man there's a lot of ohio people here! I hugged Donnie on my way out and he asked if I was feeling better, I smiled and yes much better :) After the m&g the producer said she needed me for something and to tell the others I'd meet up with them in like 20 min. I was guessing they wanted me to talk on camer about my m&g?  So we said we'd meet up in the buffet area-they were going to eat lunch. I followed the producer to an area where several other castaways were and we were led back into the m&g room for a cast photo with nkotb. This group didn't get any special time from Victor either, i didn't talk to, hug or anything, they might as well been the cardboard cut outs lol After the photo I went to find the girls. The producer told me that Danny coming to see me wasn't set up by them, it was because of the video my friends took to Johnny. They had tried to find me the day before because they heard through Donnie that Danny wanted to make things ok. When I found the girls I told tham this and thanked them so much for helping me not only get through it but to help make it happen. That's when it all changed. They told me that it wasn't their idea, that production made them do it and that the only reason Danny came to my room was because Johnny made him because they were afraid I was gonna cause a scene at the m&g. Wow...um...what?! Danny seemed so genuine about wanting to make things ok, He didn't have to come in, sit and talk with me for idk 10min or more? I was honestly so stunned I didn't know what to think or know what to say so I left to find Suzi and Jenn. There was a lot of tension among this large group of women, not all of them were close friends and well ya know how they say that you don't really know someone til you vacation with them. I figured it was just the stress of 8 women traveling together for a week. I found suzi laying out on the upper deck, producers wanted to film a scene that was supposed to be all of us hanging out but the other refused to participate so it was just Suzi and I. They never gave us lines, but would say talk to suzi about your free pass, and we would just have a conversation. They also needed to reshoot the lead up to me flashing Danny, and writing on my belly. Now that it had a happy ending, they were obviously going to use the story and needed to fill in the video footage gap in order to tell the story. Suzi said she'd film it with me since the others refused. That took most of our afternoon because we had to keep waiting for the music to stop to be able to get the audio. it was frustrating to be missing my cruise down time redoing things I'd rather forget. We finished just as Joe started duets at dusk. After dinner, before gps night i always pack up before heading out the last night. The cameras came to film those final thoughts on the cruise etc and for the 1st hour or so of the lido party. We all partied and danced together that night, i thought maybe it had all blown over. then later that night 2 of the girls started going on and on complaining to me about 2 of the other girls and I had heard enough for the week. I said that's it, I'm done and walked away. Do you see a pattern here, yeah i totally suck at confrontation :( I avoid it, I hate it, I just want everyone to be nice and get along. Seriously am I asking too much? It was late, i wanted to get some sleep-screw staying up all night. Suzi and I went back to our cabin.
 Production told me where to meet them the next morning so that I could go with them to the hotel they had for the cast that night since we were being interviewed the following day. The 1st thing i didn't have to pay for! The rest of the girls were going home that day so we would've been going separate ways off the ship anyway. But before I even got off the ship, everything changed.

Rock This Boat Part 3: The Aftermath

The ship pulls into port and it's time to leave. As I was waiting to get off the ship, I started looking at twitter and posted "Please don't believe anything you read about RTB, so many rumors & I'm not even off the boat" I was talking about general things ppl thought, like we got a free cruise, vip access etc... I get this response:

 I was shocked, I mean wtf?! None of this was said to me on the ship? Why not talk to me directly? Why put this on social media? Up until this point, I thought the only problems between us had to do with the crap that happens when 8 ppl travel together. I honestly didn't know what to think. Other people are texting me asking what the hell happened but I honestly didn't have an answer? Kelly posted nasty comments on my fb also, never contacting me directly or privately! I can't explain how hurt I was. None of the other girls were saying anything. I went to my hotel and after having lunch with Suzi, she headed home and I went to bed. The next day I was at the studio all day being interviewed so I couldn't do anything that day to try to figure it all out. And no one contacted me. After I was done at the studio I went to the airport to fly home finally. I'd never been so homesick in my life.
 As I was getting on the plane to come home I  get this text from Nicole...

"Amanda.....you need to understand something. We are hearing some things that are absolutely FLOORING us.  First....what was the deal with the Sacred Circle you went to? Second...the cast photo? You never told us anything. You told us that you were needed to "film" a few things. Total lie.  Why are we hearing about these things from others? Why not you??? Why the secrecy and sneaking off to do them and never telling us?  And now the big one. Kelly had an attorney contact the jarrod creativity group. They said we were never presented to them as a group.  The info we have is that leslie wanted us as a group and that you told them that we were not interested in participating sometime possibly in mid-april??? We are waiting for them to send us a copy of the email. If all of this is true amanda???? We are all shocked and hurt. And something must have been said or done because we were informed that EVERY other participant was paid INCLUDING every member of the bridal party.. and that they all took part in the cast photo. WTF happened amanda???? This was supposed to be done as a group. We barely saw you on that cruise. You were always taking off/disappearing. We did NOT want on camera having to talk to johnny about what you did. We thought you were wrong for doing it but we took one for the team and stood behind you and embarrassed the shit out of ourselves for you ... because that is what FRIENDS do.  Because we were supposed to be a group. And i have news for you....johnny DID tell me privately one on one when i discussed it with him and APOLOGiZED for YOUR actions and for the fact that we even had to knock on his door....he DID say that they wanted to handle it this way because they wanted to make sure you didn't create a scene at the meet and greet. I love you amanda, but you acted way over the top this time. Do you realize that their promo calls you and OVER THE TOP mother from ohio. They are going to make you look like the worst kind of crazy. And you played into it and we tried to help you dig out of it. Then we find out that you supposedly pulled us???? Damn amanda....what are we supposed to think???"

While in flight I composed this email instead of getting a cpl hrs sleep...
Sacred Circle: We saw a friend of suzi's going into a sacred circle, WE did NOT attend! So whomever told you we did is a fucking liar.
Cast Photo: I was told they needed me for something.  Didnt know what it was - I assumed it was to film my m&g reaction.
I never "snuck off" - I told you all every time they told me when they'd be meeting me.
As for not presenting us as a group?  Kelly sent in our submission herself! You saw my skype interview telling them that they needed to get to know the rest of my friends! It was NOT my decision on who would be featured & every one of you reassured me that you were TOTALLY OK with being the entourage/B characters! I did tell them about the fact that you were concerned about how we would be portrayed & that you thought it felt icky about the whole "bribe dan with cookies" thing. John told all of you that you were welcome to either be in or out of whatever scenes you wanted!
filmed at the port-you all were there
Filmed dining rm dinner. Steph was with us so im sure you at least trust her in that we didnt intentionally leave anyone out.
Filmed getting ready for masquerade night - you obviously can't fit 8 girls plus camera/ sound/producer in 1 cabin
Filmed the 1st hr of masquerade night- you all were there. It was your choice to stand off to the side while I went into the crowd.
Filmed me telling steph about my 5second dance with donnie.
Filmed the flashing danny scene - you were there.
Filmed my reaction/video apology to danny - you were there.
No filming in Bermuda.
Filmed me getting movie night ready. Again- cant fit everyone in a cabin!
Filmed movie night party for a short time - you were there.
Filmed danny coming to my room
Filmed our m&g- you were there.
Filmed me laying out on the lido deck with suzi & had to reenact the lead up to the flash scene since none of us had mics on. - producer asked if you wanted to participate.
Filmed me packing up my suitcase & final cruise thoughts.
Filmed us all at gps party.
Thats every scence that was filmed so how did I ditch you? I honestly dont see how anyone was left out?
As for how you all feel that I was over the top, I guess you just dont know me. I didnt do anything that I wouldnt do without cameras there. Ive flashed donnie before, so flashing danny wasnt a big deal.
I cant control the seasickness, everyone was affected by the boat that night!  Of course I was upset that I felt like dog shit.
I cant help the fact that my feeling get hurt easily. Its who I am, just like being a snarky bitch is just who you are.
You thought I was wrong to flash danny? 1st of all ive told everyone from the beginning the boobs were coming out if needed. I never asked you to talk to anyone for me. You brought the video apology idea to me.
As for not getting paid- how the fuck is that MY FAULT?! If im on every episode thats 800. Minus taxes & the $459 additional for getting a different flight. Ill be lucky to clear a cpl hundred dollars- which I offered to share with everyone!
I cant believe you all assumed the worst of me. NONE of your concerns/issues are even slightly true.
I dont need friends like that.
-Amanda

I sent the following email to everyone in my group & the producers that we worked with in hopes of clearing everything up before it spun out of control.

On Jun 12, 2014 9:37 AM, "Amanda" wrote:
I didnt think I would have to completely explain myself from the very beginning but that's what I'm going to do.
We submitted our casting information as a group. the very first time I had any knowledge that we would not be portrayed on camera equally was in November when the film crew came to my house and interviewed me only for several hours and then just did a group scene and interviewed my husband and kids. That day the girls and I discussed the fact that we were now realizing that I was the focus of the group and the rest of the girls would be "B" characters.   We discussed it at length and every one of them assured me that they were completely fine with being "B" characters /entourage because then they could be involved in everything that was going on but wouldn't have the focus on them. I was told by producers that every group that was chosen for this had one spokesperson. so from this point forward every time I received an email from production and I was the only one receiving the email I thought that it was because I was the spokesperson for the group so that production only had to be in touch with 5 girls instead of 20. I shared every single email, every bit of correspondence that I received from production with every girl in this group. They all had email and phone contact information for production. if they were this concerned about whether they were considered "cast" or if they were going to be paid for the episodes, then they should have asked for themselves.  they are grown women who have no problems soeaking their minds. they had all the information i did. it is not my fault that they chose not to ask anyone for clarification. They all told me they were happy to just be a part of it all, so thats what I believed. 
After getting off the ship kelly has done nothing but trash me on social media, spreading horrible lies about me. I just want a resolution to this as fast as possible before things go any further. The decision for me to be the only "talent" was NOT mine & I was never made aware of that so how is this my fault?
Thanks for reading all of this.
Amanda
I also need to add this:
On april 1st I spoke to production about some of the girls having concerns about how we would be portrayed- what is the intent of the show? Nichole was uncomfortable about the story arc. But I assured the producer that everyone was still excited about the show and weren't backing out. We were just asking for clarification.  I know I discussed this with all of them on our fb group. I removed myself from the group when I got attacked without reason so I dont have access to that information anymore.

On Thu, Jun 12, 2014 at 1:09 PM, Nicole  wrote:
Hold up....Nichole was uncomfortable with being asked to "use dan wood" to get into VIP parties because that is not something we have EVER been about. EVER. And yes, Amanda...we are grown and we could have picked up the phone and called to ask about being paid. But why would we have any REASON to????

From: producer ;
To: Everyone
Sent: Thu, Jun 12, 2014 5:51:00 PM
Hey guys, The one thing I want to chime in on and clarify, is that the Dan Wood idea was to playfully give him cookies as way to try for VIP wrist bands. Dan would have been in on the whole idea, and would have needed to give us approval that he wanted to do it, prior to us even turning the cameras on. So in no way was he ever going to be "used."
Supervising Field Producer I Rock This Boat

On Jun 12, 2014, at 1:58 PM, Nichole  wrote:
NoT to mention....were we going to fill the viewers in on the fact that dan was in on the joke or were we just going to look like the crazy bitches who tried to "use" dan? Because dan is HIGHLY thought of in the BH world and in NO WAY would i ever portray myself as using someone...even of they are in on the joke. Definition=BSC. I don't care how good it plays on tv

From: producer
To: Everyone ;
Sent: Thu, Jun 12, 2014 6:07:06 PM
Ok, it was never discussed again after Amanda explained that your group was uncomfortable with the idea. I'm not clear on what the issue is here and how we can help.

On Jun 12, 2014 2:22 PM, "Nichole" wrote:
To be honest...i wasn't even aware this conversation had gone outside of the group of us girls. The only reason i can guess is that amanda is looking for someone to give us answers as to when our "group" no longer was considered a group for casting purposes. We arrived in nyc believing we we part of a group ensemble with the "lead person" being amanda. Only to discover it was Amanda's story, we were no longer cast and were basically cut out of everything. We are confused as to how that happened. We were given information that amanda had pulled us herself and this situation has deteriorated since. We are especially confused considering there were other ensemble casts who were involved in all aspects of the show... including the cast photo and each member was compensated. I am not sure if you can provide answers. If so, wonderful. If not, i apologize and we truly had no intention of dragging you into the middle of this

From: "Amanda"
Date: Jun 12, 2014 2:27 PM 

Thank you nichole- thats exactly the questions we need answers to. Im not the best with wording things but I try.

 On Thursday, June 12, 2014 9:55 AM, Amanda wrote:
 Just trying to make sure everyone has all the facts/my side of the story before making any further judgements or decisions. I think at least deserve that much?
 Ive said my peace, you all know how to reach me & I hope to hear from you
 Amanda

On Jun 13, 2014, at 9:15 AM, Amanda  wrote:
 Ive been baking nonstop the last few days so ive had a lot of time to think about how this all went so terribly wrong. And I realized I assumed something I havent addressed yet.
 Every document sent to me by jcg I immediately forwarded to kelly asking her to read it & tell me in layman's terms what I was signing. She not only works in the legal field but has free access to legal advice - specifically entertainment contracts. I apologize for putting that responsibility & 100% trust in kelly without specifically asking her. Just as we trust steph's medical advice/warnings... I assumed if there was anything that needed to be clarified Kelly would've at least asked me to flat out ask who is "cast" & who would be getting paid. I repeatedly asked if anyone has any questions for me to ask.
Bottom line: It was my understanding that none of us really knew how it would all pan out but we were all along for the ride together & would stand together as friends against the haters. Im so heartbroken that this has all happened.  All I can say is that I never intended to hurt anyone, or cut anyone out of anything.
 Again, im sorry.
Back to baking....
 I hope we can find a way through all of this. As of now I just feel lost in the dark.
-amanda

On Jun 13, 2014 9:30 AM, "Kelly" wrote:
 You clearly keep pushing for more attention and this is all you are getting out of me. First of all, that wasn't an apology, you snarky self centered bitch. I reviewed things that required YOUR signature. If you recall, the one item I signed and sent back, I was told they only needed YOUR signature.
So, nice try throwing blame on anyone but your attention starved self. Btw, I love the cast photo that includes every person in every group but YOUR "friends." it's obvious you are trying to dig your way out of your current lie. I cannot tell you how many people I've heard from that have heard about your behavior and antics!!!! Earl and Johnny were right--you are crazy.
 You've had your 15 minutes. It's over now. what's sad is that it got through the grapevine without any of us sharing it. That's on you! I hope you are proud of how you portrayed yourself. 

On Jun 13, 2014, at 10:13 AM, Amanda  wrote:
Well now that kelly has made her opinion clear. There is apparently no working this out. Everyone either agrees with her or agrees with me on how it all happened.  Because her version/view is soooooo far from mine I dont see this ever coming to a resolution. If theres a chance im willing to listen & try but for now I need to know which side everyone is on since kelly has drawn her line in the sand.

 On Friday, June 13, 2014 9:16 AM, Kelly wrote:
 I speak only for myself. No one here is a child, there are no sides and everyone has the right to make their own opinions. If you are that immature and self centered, enjoy your backlash.

On Jun 13, 2014 11:58 AM, "Stephanie" wrote:
 Okay wow. Amanda, my last message to you said I accept your apology for going off on me, and that I hope this is just a big misunderstanding, and that I just need a break. I have things going on at home (like we all do) and I'm working non-stop to make up for being off, so I can't reply every second. I needed a break to process. But here you go- I do NOT have to choose sides. Kelly hasn't asked me to pick a side, nor has she unfriended me for not picking a side. I haven't said anything negative to anyone about you, because I'm Switzerland Dammit!! I still tagged you in a picture with me just last night before I was apparently deleted from your life. If I say I need time, it's because I have to think! It's a freaking full moon & I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. This feels totally Upside-down, and other things in my life feel right for the first time in a long time, so I'm trying to get my bearings. I am not at war with you or anyone else. And I am not picking sides. So please don't push me into a corner I don't want to be in. When you apologize to someone, you have to give them time to process. So either give me that time, or it's your choice to walk out of my life.

On Jun 13, 2014, at 11:34 AM, Amanda wrote:
 I only unfollowed or blocked those who unfollowed or blocked me. I only spoke to those who reached out to me. You're upset that I walked away & ended a conversation that deserved to be finished. I thought we were ok on that.  I have been trying to reach out to everyone here so that there's no more she said/she said crap. Every reply I have received has been accusatory & hate filled when all ive tried to do is be 100% honest about everything every step of the way & apologize fully to all of you! So yes I felt it was time for everyone to speak their opinions on the situation to ME directly. 
-amanda

On Jun 13, 2014, at 12:49 PM, Amanda wrote:
 Too many assumptions.  I reached out & got crickets. I asumed you all agreed with kelly other than nic. The only one who reached out to me.

From: "Kelly"
Date: Jun 13, 2014 1:05 PM
To: "Amanda"
> Most people have lives...but I'm not one to block people and hide behind my computer screen. I've been getting DMs all day from people saying you are crazy and are now calling us out. I've shared the screen shots I've been sent from multiple people. Now what lie do you have now? Seriously. Get over yourself. You're fucking crazy and people are seriously laughing at your craziness....when you finally figure it out you will be crying alone. I've seen no apologies--just pushing blame on others.  That's a clear mental issue there.

-

At this point I gave up.

I heard nothing for months, then after going back to nyc in october for my final interview for RTB I posted some pix on facebook of me in the studio. This stirred up shit with my former friends, how or why? No clue. I ended up tweeting that anyone following them please unfollow me because I wanted to block them completely from my social media life. 

And then I received this voicemail... Click Here
 

I have read through all this correspondence so many times, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. 8 months later I still don't understand.  I feel like I really tried to fix things, to apologize for whatever I did but none of that mattered to any of them. I know it was only Kelly trashing me on social media at first, but I didn't see any of the rest saying hey wait, let's talk about it with amanda or anything like that. being silent said as much to me as what kelly said. I feel like I should end this with some final thoughts, but I still don't really know. I don't regret doing the show, just some things that happened during it all. This has definitely been a huge life lesson. I now have so much respect for anyone in the public eye, I don't know how people do it. I'm glad my time in the fishbowl is up!

Thank you to everyone who stood by me through this!!! I know I was hard to love at times lol  Especially Suzi! Girl, I hope you know how much I love & appreciate you & our friendship! 

Rock This Boat Part 1: Casting

I have debated with myself for months on whether i should share all of this. But after watching these girls tear me apart on social media, accusing me of lies.... I've come to the conclusion that I have a right to tell my side of this story.

October 2013 when the NKOTB cruise was announced, i decided to video our "booking the cruise" experience because let's face it, it's pretty hilarious. I edited it just for our own fun & shared it with my group. Shortly after we got the casting email about Rock This Boat. Our original plan was to use the booking video but also add our photos/stories to it. Time got away from me and I didn't have time to re edit everything so i said why not just send the booking video. I was on speaker phone with the 2 others, so you could see it was a group effort to make sure we all got on the boat. So we sent all our info in 1 email to the casting company. The following morning we had a reply from casting, they wanted to skype with each of our group. We each did a skype interview, then they asked to interview me again. At the end of the skype interview i was asked "bottom line why should we choose you, what will you do that will make ppl watch?" I said ïve been on 5 cruises and have yet to get into Donnie's afterparty, so this year I was going all out, whatever it takes, cabin stalking, boobies, whatever. what will i have to do? watch and find out!" Later I got a call from casting saying we'd been chosen to be part of the show. I was told they were selecting several groups of fans for the show, and that each group had a "main person" so that they would only have to keep in contact with 6-7 ppl instead of 20-30 ppl. We were not allowed to tell anyone we were chosen so it's not like we could compare info with the others chosen. The film crew came to my house in November and I was told to invite my friends. When they came that day, they interviewed me for like 4 hrs, interviewed my husband/kids then we shot a group scene playing the Bluebloods drinking game. (originally producers asked us to go sing kareoke but we said um no and came up with the BB drinking game instead) As the day went on my friends & I realized that I was the focus of the group for filming, not just for communication purposes. At this point my friends assured me REPEATEDLY that they were not only ok with being "B"characters (Their words!) but that they were actually happy/relieved that they could be a part of this without the pressure on them. They said I had the personality for tv and fun stories to share etc...We had no clue what we would be getting paid, but honestly I didn't care. I was in this for the experience, to be a part of NKOTB history and knowing if nothing else, the New Kids would know who we were! In addition to the footage they shot here, I also had to make several short videos of my day to day life. So yeah I've put a lot of energy into this!
The footage shot in November was for a video package sent to the network, basically here's what we have to offer, do you want to buy/air this show. At this point it wasn't a for sure thing until the network gave it the green light. In January I was told that the show was ago but they were still deciding which groups to follow. The end of March I got the official call from casting saying that we were for sure chosen to be on the show! This was like a dream, so much excitement I can't even describe it! Everyone who has cruised knows the anticipation, so you can imagine that this more than doubled the planning, excitement & nerves! This was going to be an amazing once in a lifetime experience!
My friends and I had a fb group where we discussed all of this pretty much daily. Every email & phone call was shared with the group. They knew everything i knew. I feel like the only way to tell this complete story is to share our conversation. They have had the opportunity to tell their side for months while I stayed silent - here's the truth in their own words:

After this discussion on fb, I called the producer back. I wanted to clarify that the big picture would be our group friendship/fun and express my friends concerns about how we would be portrayed, She said that if my friends didn't want to participate, no one was forcing them. I said no no no we're all in and want to do this we just want to make sure we're on thge same "Page"about how we will be shown. Remember, at this point I thought we ALL were cast, and I was the spokesperson for everyone, so I felt I had to pass on everyone's concerns. No one ever came up with any different idea for our story. They wanted to cameras to just follow us and catch whatever happened. Well, that's not how tv works, so the story stayed at what will they do to get into the afterparty.
A couple weeks later the film crew came to my house again to film for the casting special. Again, I was interviewed mostly, and with my husband and kids, then a group cruise planning/party session with my friends. Both times they came to film, the producers were here all day with my friends. There was plenty of opportunity for my friends to ask any questions they wanted to the producer.  Shortly before the cruise, I was sent an email that said everyone needed to complete the paperwork and return it. (w4 etc) SO i fwd it to my friends but when Kelly sent hers they told her they only needed it from me. The ëveryone"part of the email ment everyone that was sent the email not everyone in my group. SO at this point it was obvious I was the only one getting paid. I told them all that whatever money I got, I would put in a payapl account to use on the next tour to buy our tickets. This was a group thing! also shortly before the cruise i was told they needed to interview me the day after the cruise. I had bought my flight months before I knew we were chosen. SO I had to buy a new return trip home at the last minute that was $460!
Finally after months of planning & anticipation it was time to cruise!!! Everything leading up to this had been so much fun! The whole tv process, seeing how it all comes together was really eye opening! I'd never been more excited for anything in my life as I stepped on that ship. There was no way I could know what was about to happen, but I knew I had my girls to share this amazing experience of a lifetime with! I obviously knew there would be BH backlash, I'd never done this alone. I get my feelings hurt easily, but I thought my friends would stand with me, not end up against me.